If Only They Knew
by TimeDetonated
Summary: To them Scott Summers was just a plain boy scout who always follows the rules and always would. No one actually knew the real Scott. Inside is a man who is tormented daily by memories of the past. Warning: Implied Rape, Gore. Not for the slight of heart


A/N: So I do plan on publishing more chapters for this story if people are interested, but mind you that college has just started up again...oh, and I should also say that I don't have a beta reader and its really late at night...or pretty early in the morning...so capitalization and paragraphs may be a bit messed up, but I'm pretty sure that I got all the spelling...although I have no idea how to spell 'Mutie'...

P.S. This is a Fanfic...so some of these events arnt cannon...

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, and any any events that do not follow cannon are mine...oh, yeah. The OC's are mine too. Hands off.

Warnings: Gore, Implied Rape. Not for the faint of heart.

The soft wind was blowing through my hair as I sat on the balcony, moonlight carding through the trees just up ahead.

it would have seemed peaceful to anyone. almost any one. any why not me? I was Scott, the boy scout, The goody tushu. Always had everything handed to him, didnt have to do any work. _If only they knew._

The words were always running through my head, I couldnt stop them, floating there twenty four seven.

'Hey, mutey! What the fuck are you doin?' Harsh hands gripping my arm, leaving bruises. 'Get over here.' cruel hands gripping my arms behind my back and a harsh punch knocking the air out of my lung as I struggled, now gasping for breath.

_oh god not again, please not again._

fingers on my eye lids as I thought to keep them closed.

_your worthless, you destroy everything. you cant even keep your own eyes shut._ my own self destructive thoughts bounced through my head.

another punch and my eyes were being renched open for the first time in weeks.

The world was ugly. _I was making it ugly._

things exploded in my path. houses, buildings, furniture._ people._

I'm a monster. my stomach churned as I bent to the ground, not able to fight the urge to vomit, my eyes finally being allowed to close, and I readily squeeze them shut.

_"see this mutie scum? you're not good for anything. you kill. you destroy. thats all you can do. you're mine. you're a puppet. you cant even call yourself a person. think of all the people you just killed. monster."_ He was whispering in my ear, his foul breath caressing my cheek.

tears roll down my face and I dont fight it. I dont deserve to live. Im a murderer.

Screams echo in my mind as I see what you should never see outside of someones body exploade everywhere. I remember mothers griping there children and trying to shield them even though my eye beams cruelly rip through both of them anyways.

I see the mother...half of the mother still alive gripping onto what was once the arm of her child, but just an arm. Nothing more.

My breathing speeds up as I slide down the wall of the balcony. Faster and faster. Monster. Murderer. Killer. I shouldn't be alive. its an insult. All those inoccent people, dead becasue I selfishly choose to live.

More tears seep out from under the ruby glasses that the proffesor gave to me. My father. I let him down. I have no right to call him that. If only he knew how evil I was. I am.

The shaking starts as I wrap my arms around my legs in a vane attempt to protects myself from my own diabolical deeds. I dont deserve it.

I cant breath. I shouldn't breath. Im back in the alleyway again. harsh hands ripping at my clothes.

_"Everyone wants something."_ I can hear an echo of my dads voice whispering in my ear. Only my dads dead.

I wanted freedom.

The man in the ally wanted power.

As greedy lips trail down my body Im over whelmed with shame, I dont want this to happen. But I did want it, didnt I? I wanted some penence. I deserve to be tortured and so much more, yet I cant help the tears that come at the other man roughly claiming my body, and I dont stop him. It shouldnt be my body. I Gave that up when I Killed.

Im choking.

when I finally come back to myself im lying in the infirmary, or at least what I think is the infirmary. White envelops my sight, or what would be white if my glasses didn't stain it pink._ 'with blood. with guilt.'_ my mind suggests. I don't deny the thought.

The Proffesors gripping my hand and I swear that I can see tears in his eyes although I know that I must be lying to myself. How could anyone care for me?

Beasts words barley reach my ears over the insesent buzzing and the world is fuzzy.

"PTSD...Serious condition...should have noticed this sooner..." and My mind is too tired to proccess it as I slip into sleep.

A/N: PSSSSTTTT...

Me: HOLY CRAP! A CREEPER! LETS KILL IT WITH THE POWER OF ROCK!

*turns on Rush*

Me: Die bastard!

Any-who...hope you enjoyed...R&R...Or not...Whatever.


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